Try

First of all, thank you so much for requesting critique at #LITplease! So sorry that this has taken a while. >.<

Interesting...

I like the brevity and how you've made it sound sharp, direct and... yeah, it increases the impact of things more, I feel.

I do think that the diction is a bit too simplistic and that you could have used different words to describe the extent of what is happening, especially with "heat" or "builds up" for example.

I'm not too sure about the words "water glosses over" as the image of that is ... different. I'm not sure if that works well here.

You could replace "blur" with a different word as well, perhaps.

Other than that, it's pretty awesome. I like the rule of three and how you've started with rhetorical questions to draw us in here.

I don't really have much to say... I mean, it's quite short, so.. yeah.